Robots Need Not Apply
Imagining Bookstores Divided by Species: Human, AI, and Who Knows?
đ 604 words. âł Estimated reading time: 3 minutes.I always thought the pinnacle of my writing career would be landing a spot on a bestseller list or maybe getting one of those fancy embossed stickers that say âOprahâs Book Clubâ slapped on my novel.
Little did I realize that nowadays, the ultimate badge of honor would be a sticker proclaiming, âHuman Authored.â Yes, my dearest friend, itâs come to this.
The Authors Guild, bless their hearts, has decided that we need a way to assure readers that our books are, in fact, written by genuine Homo sapiens and not whipped up by some overachieving algorithm with a knack for plot twists. Because apparently, the fear that your favorite romance novel was penned by a microwave is very real.
I canât say I didnât see it coming.
Just the other day, I asked my virtual assistant to remind me to buy eggs, and it responded with a haiku about the futility of existence. Donât get me wrong: it was poetic for sure, but it lacked a bit of helpfulness in front of an empty fridge.
As I prepare to submit my first manuscript, Iâm faced with the existential crisis of proving my humanity.
Do I need to include a thumbprint? A vial of tears I shed during the cruel and painful editing process? That ought to convince them.
The certification process is, ironically, based on the honor system, and given my background in law it wonât be hard. I just have to declare that I, a certified human, wrote this book without the assistance of AI. No lie detectors, no CAPTCHA tests where I have to identify all the images with motorbikesâjust my word. What could possibly go wrong?
I imagine a future where bookstores are divided into sections. At least three. One for âHuman Authorsâ and one for âAI Authorsâ. But I guess that a âWe Honestly Have No Ideaâ section will be needed.
Shoppers will walk through the aisles, squinting at covers adorned with more stickers than a kindergartener's lunchbox. âAh, yes, this one is gluten-free, fair-trade, cruelty-free, and human-authored. I was looking for it!â
Letâs be real. Even with the sticker, how will readers truly know? AI is getting so advanced that it could probably mimic my tendency to overuse em-dashesâI love them, donât judge me. It might even capture that thing I do where I start a sentence and then completelyâwait, what was I saying?
Oh right, the point is, weâre in a strange new world. A world where writers like all of us are competing not just with each other but with the very machines weâve created. Itâs writing a sci-fi novel and then giving up because the robot characters are more compelling than the humans.
Maybe this âHuman Authoredâ label will become a mark of authenticity, much like a handcrafted piece of pottery or a home-cooked meal that didnât come from a factory. It could remind readers that behind every story is a person who laughed, cried, and possibly yelled at their computer screen during the creation process.
So, to all my fellow writers out there, slap that âHuman Authoredâ sticker on your book with pride! And to all the readers, if you happen to pick up a novel with that shiny new label, know that a real person poured their heart, soul, and probably an unreasonable amount of caffeine into those pages.
Now, Iâm off to design my own sticker: âNo AI Was Harmed in the Making of This Book.â Now if I could just figure out how to get my printer to work. Maybe Iâll ask my virtual assistant for helpâwhat could possibly go wrong?
Hey there!
Iâm Simon, a business owner whoâs totally passionate about writing (and one day, I hope to marry the two!).
A Call to All Writers!
Suppose you can be in contact with a small group of people on a mission to build a publishing company that champions writers and puts their needs first.
Yes, itâs a publishing company that cares about writers and their success.
Would you be willing to take 2-3 minutes to help them turn this vision into reality?
Iâd love to hear what you think about this article! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below so we can discuss them.
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