Robots Need Not Apply
Imagining Bookstores Divided by Species: Human, AI, and Who Knows?
📝 604 words. ⏳ Estimated reading time: 3 minutes.I always thought the pinnacle of my writing career would be landing a spot on a bestseller list or maybe getting one of those fancy embossed stickers that say “Oprah’s Book Club” slapped on my novel.
Little did I realize that nowadays, the ultimate badge of honor would be a sticker proclaiming, “Human Authored.” Yes, my dearest friend, it’s come to this.
The Authors Guild, bless their hearts, has decided that we need a way to assure readers that our books are, in fact, written by genuine Homo sapiens and not whipped up by some overachieving algorithm with a knack for plot twists. Because apparently, the fear that your favorite romance novel was penned by a microwave is very real.
I can’t say I didn’t see it coming.
Just the other day, I asked my virtual assistant to remind me to buy eggs, and it responded with a haiku about the futility of existence. Don’t get me wrong: it was poetic for sure, but it lacked a bit of helpfulness in front of an empty fridge.
As I prepare to submit my first manuscript, I’m faced with the existential crisis of proving my humanity.
Do I need to include a thumbprint? A vial of tears I shed during the cruel and painful editing process? That ought to convince them.
The certification process is, ironically, based on the honor system, and given my background in law it won’t be hard. I just have to declare that I, a certified human, wrote this book without the assistance of AI. No lie detectors, no CAPTCHA tests where I have to identify all the images with motorbikes—just my word. What could possibly go wrong?
I imagine a future where bookstores are divided into sections. At least three. One for “Human Authors” and one for “AI Authors”. But I guess that a “We Honestly Have No Idea” section will be needed.
Shoppers will walk through the aisles, squinting at covers adorned with more stickers than a kindergartener's lunchbox. “Ah, yes, this one is gluten-free, fair-trade, cruelty-free, and human-authored. I was looking for it!”
Let’s be real. Even with the sticker, how will readers truly know? AI is getting so advanced that it could probably mimic my tendency to overuse em-dashes—I love them, don’t judge me. It might even capture that thing I do where I start a sentence and then completely—wait, what was I saying?
Oh right, the point is, we’re in a strange new world. A world where writers like all of us are competing not just with each other but with the very machines we’ve created. It’s writing a sci-fi novel and then giving up because the robot characters are more compelling than the humans.
Maybe this “Human Authored” label will become a mark of authenticity, much like a handcrafted piece of pottery or a home-cooked meal that didn’t come from a factory. It could remind readers that behind every story is a person who laughed, cried, and possibly yelled at their computer screen during the creation process.
So, to all my fellow writers out there, slap that “Human Authored” sticker on your book with pride! And to all the readers, if you happen to pick up a novel with that shiny new label, know that a real person poured their heart, soul, and probably an unreasonable amount of caffeine into those pages.
Now, I’m off to design my own sticker: “No AI Was Harmed in the Making of This Book.” Now if I could just figure out how to get my printer to work. Maybe I’ll ask my virtual assistant for help—what could possibly go wrong?
Hey there!
I’m Simon, a business owner who’s totally passionate about writing (and one day, I hope to marry the two!).
A Call to All Writers!
Suppose you can be in contact with a small group of people on a mission to build a publishing company that champions writers and puts their needs first.
Yes, it’s a publishing company that cares about writers and their success.
Would you be willing to take 2-3 minutes to help them turn this vision into reality?
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